I never really paid attention to any abandoned buildings, until I, myself, became one of them. Now I look at all of them so carefully. Those paints scrapping out of the walls, infrastructure remaining dying a slow poisonous death. I try and sense the aura around to see if I can still smell the life that once resided in here. They are just like, once full of life, dying a slow death.
I wanna run away from everything but running away is not helping either. Wherever I turn, I find Adrian everywhere. Whoever I talk to have his name. Whom do I talk to about all this? I have no clue. No human around me has the capacity to understand the struggle I have in me. Even his parents have started hating me I feel. They don’t talk properly and on the top of that I live with them with no husband in sight. I feel so lonely.
Thanks to those few bunch of lights I have whom I call my friends. Though they can never completely understand my struggle, they do help me cope up with depression.
When the things started turning an ugly shape, I tried talking out with Adrian. I wanted to have a healthy discussion to solve the problem. But every time I tired, he pushed me back. I cried and he enjoyed his life without understanding even 1% of what I was feeling.
Today is a gloomy day, the rain doesn’t stop and my head is all going bonkers. I already feel like half insane. What do you expect to happen to yourself when you have people around behaving so weird? They make you feel like “you are not one of us”. So I decided to message my husband
“Your parents are behaving too weird, any problem?”
“How would I know?” You see his cold replies.
“What do you mean by how would you know? Of course you know, you talk to them more than you talk to me”
“You know it better” Wow I was like, really??? I know it better? I have a fucking volcano erupting in my brain with all the shit you have put me through and now you say I know it better?
“What do I know??? Please explain”
“Look at yourself, the way they behave with you is just perfect” And that was it. Who do I go and tell all this?
And then I went MUTE!!! That’s what I always do when I have no answers and I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
So this are the kind of conversations we have. I try to have a healthy discussion but looks like it doesn’t turn out well. He must be rich, well settled, owns a house but he failed as a husband. If money can you happiness, I would have been the happiest person. All I desired was understanding and respect which I found somewhere else.