*I Painted a Pic of US*

See I wasn’t exaggerating, i have reasons why i love Ashton so much. here’s one of our funny conversation and one of my favorite:

“I painted a picture of us”  until now it was me painting things, i had no clue since when did he started painting

I was staring at this picture for like 30 seconds trying to figure out “US” in this, and then again his message popped up

“You like it?, Surprise?”

“We look complicated”

“Aren’t we?, you are pink, i am blue and Adrian is brown”

I was literally speechless and was laughing hard. I wouldn’t have been surprised if someone told me he worked for devils

“haha”

“Him and i are tangled up in a fight for you, but i am winning because you are closer to me, he is on the top to over power, but i am like with you, to support you, you dog is green”

Wow even my dog became a part of this painting. And there you know “It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes”

“Ok i found this on Google typing ‘terrible paintings’ lol, i am making all this up as i go” LOl again, i am so used to LOL now!!

“I am laughing out loud”

“Seems accurate though”

So now you know:

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love

 

 

*Surprise*

“If you do not make your girl happy, someone else will” I guess that fits in perfectly in my life.

I dated Adrian for nearly 2 and half years but it was all long distance. Someone has truly said “love is blind” coz’ I was completely blinded by it. Everything seemed so perfect and fine in long distance. All those flaws were hidden behind my love for him. He was ‘same’ back then, but I was ready to compromise a lot more for his love and when I realized I cannot live a fake life anymore, time had passed away and it was already too late. Ask him what my favorite flower is and probably he wouldn’t have an answer. He never sent me or got me any.

My life-my real life-started when a man walked into it, a total stranger. It was an ordinary day-like really ordinary, no fun, all boring things around and no fun. Imagine my surprise this afternoon to find out that someone sent me flowers. It was like a week since I started talking to Ashton. So then, imagine my shock to open the card and find a note that says:

“Sorry, No tulips this time princess”

Apparently Red Tulips are my favorite flowers and secondly I love Pink roses. Only one person knew about this.

So this is how it all started. I get a call from my corporate office (head office) that someone has sent flowers for me. It was like 3 hours into the office and I was engrossed in work and this call was like “Something I never expected at all”. Picking up my car keys I ran towards the corporate office to check what it is and who sent it. My first thought was Adrian, but then he never got me flower sin person and sending them like this is something never expected out of him. So it had no guesses. But the moment I saw the note I had all the answers.

Ashton called me ‘princess’ and on the top of it, it was a bunch of pink roses. He did ask me few days back what were my favorite flowers. If he would have been in front of me I could have stood on my toes and would have stolen a soft kiss from his lips. I was like a chocolate in a box, looking well behaved and perfect in place, all the while harboring a secret center.

Asking him about how did he manage this, well he knew where i worked and it was easy to Google the company address. But he never knew that i do not operate from the head office, and, i sit in a separate marketing unit. His plans of making me feel special by sending flowers at my work place and me, receiving it in front of all other employees went in vain. BUT…..This was so sweet of him. No one sent me flowers like this ever. it was a beautiful gesture which i can never forget.

I have a picture of those flowers which I can share

Life is so full of unpredictable beauty and strange surprises. Sometimes that beauty is too much for me to handle. Do you know that feeling? When something is just too beautiful? When someone says something or writes something or plays something that moves you to the point of tears, maybe even changes you.

This was kind of how this whole thing started.

Sometimes life surprises you…and when it does, it’s purely magical. Allow yourself to be open to the magic that is about to happen…★

 

 

 

*Vegeterian Vs Non-Vegeterian*

Connect 4 has become an integral part of my life…wait, OUR life…. Me and Ashton!! Yes, he taught me that game and we play it ON CHAT!! You know iMessage has those white, red, and blue ball emoticons. Exactly!!! We decide things playing this game and recently we had an argument over the name of our imaginary baby! We have an imaginary Baby Girl and while i am big fan of Indian names, Ashton wanted it to be English.

“We play connect 4 for the naming rights” That was typical Ashton, he knew well i would lose like always and so the ball was in his court

“Why not, huh”

“Ok, you pick your top 3 names, and i pick my top 3. The loser gets to pick the name from the winners list”

“And what are your tops 3?”

“You first lol” Sometimes i feel like murdering the word LOL all together

“Kavya, Maahi, Pearl”

“Haley, Alayna, Katheirne (but probably Kat or Kate) I mean seriously? Kate? That’ such a horrible name

“All three sucks equally” and i meant it though i did like Alayna a bit but it should have been Alana and not Alayna

“hahaha” Whas was so funny in my answer is what i fail to understand

“All American names u Bias human” i snapped back

“Alayna isn’t English”

“Really? Hebrew?”

“Alayna means beautiful, Haley means meadow and also the name of most coveted comet ever”

“i asked language?”

“Irish” Why the fuck would i have Irish name for my baby??

“You are Irish, so you want Irish names?”

“You picked Indian names yourself and i am not Irish lol” Again LOL??

“It would be an Indian name and thats final. period!!”

“I disagree, anyways what do we teach her? 😮 😮 , Hindi, English, Vegeterian, meat lover? Yes, i am a complete vegetarian and i accept no torture on animals and this human wanted my baby to eat the fucking meat!! NO!!

“Vegetarian OFCOURSE”

“Again i disagree, i believe in free choice, baby wants to eat a live chicken, why not?” LIVE CHICKEN???? WTF does that mean? he wants my baby to become a cannibal like himself

“No and NO means No”

“She can be a vegetarian when you are around”  How typical American

Shut up, i would teach her all bad things about meat”

“okay so i guess we can never have babies LOL” LOL again?? :-l

“better”

“I know we joke, but before you decide you want to be with me, you would have realized, we could never agree on children ”

“No, i would have a vegetarian baby”  The typical stubborn me

“so do i want a baby, but not a vegetarian one”

“No”

“yes”

“no”

“i can agree to no beef, even sea food…but essential vitamins and minerals are found in animals” wow!!! 85% India is vegetarian, so does he meant that Indians are all deficient ? Moron

“Shut up”

“No health risk for baby, and i am serious, if she chooses no meat herself i support”

“i will teach her ‘no meat’ policy”

“you teach her no meat….. i teach her ‘meat when mommy isn’t home'”

“And then out of the house you go”

” i will have you deported back to Indian Lol”

“Baby’s mother has first right on the child FYI”

“Fuck you”

“Thank you 🙂 “

“Lol, now we have to get her into some activities, i vote singing lessons. Young girls sing well”

“No she will paint”

“Why not both?, Painters are lame”

“really?”

“A little, but i made an exception for you”

“Shameless”

“i know”

And it goes on…………… This is how our conversations take a shape. Random, stupid, fun but in the end it makes us smile. I have been with Adrian since 3 years but we never had such beautiful conversations. This were all those things he never gave me. My crazy tear ducts betrayed me and a drop fell from the corner of my eye. the route to my ‘Happy Ending’ looked so clear yet so hazy. there were large sized thorns on the way that are likely to tear me apart and also make me bleed. As much as i wanted to be in a castle i wanted to take Ashton aliong with me in this journey. the question was

“How”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*You know it better* – Really??

I never really paid attention to any abandoned buildings, until I, myself, became one of them. Now I look at all of them so carefully. Those paints scrapping out of the walls, infrastructure remaining dying a slow poisonous death. I try and sense the aura around to see if I can still smell the life that once resided in here. They are just like, once full of life, dying a slow death.

I wanna run away from everything but running away is not helping either. Wherever I turn, I find Adrian everywhere. Whoever I talk to have his name. Whom do I talk to about all this? I have no clue. No human around me has the capacity to understand the struggle I have in me. Even his parents have started hating me I feel. They don’t talk properly and on the top of that I live with them with no husband in sight. I feel so lonely.

Thanks to those few bunch of lights I have whom I call my friends. Though they can never completely understand my struggle, they do help me cope up with depression.

When the things started turning an ugly shape, I tried talking out with Adrian. I wanted to have a healthy discussion to solve the problem. But every time I tired, he pushed me back. I cried and he enjoyed his life without understanding even 1% of what I was feeling.

Today is a gloomy day, the rain doesn’t stop and my head is all going bonkers. I already feel like half insane. What do you expect to happen to yourself when you have people around behaving so weird? They make you feel like “you are not one of us”. So I decided to message my husband

“Your parents are behaving too weird, any problem?”

“How would I know?” You see his cold replies.

“What do you mean by how would you know? Of course you know, you talk to them more than you talk to me”

“You know it better” Wow I was like, really??? I know it better? I have a fucking volcano erupting in my brain with all the shit you have put me through and now you say I know it better?

“What do I know??? Please explain”

“Look at yourself, the way they behave with you is just perfect” And that was it. Who do I go and tell all this?

And then I went MUTE!!! That’s what I always do when I have no answers and I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

So this are the kind of conversations we have. I try to have a healthy discussion but looks like it doesn’t turn out well. He must be rich, well settled, owns a house but he failed as a husband. If money can you happiness, I would have been the happiest person. All I desired was understanding and respect which I found somewhere else.

 

 

 

*The HE effect*

“Here??” A message blinked on my screen from Ashton.

Yes

“How’s your day going?? Busy at work?”

nopes!!! Totally time pass!!!!, whose working

“I’m working lol”

Very good!!!, you dint see all those 7-8 messages on iMessage???, don’t have manners to reply?  I was so mad at him for this, mad as a barrel of drunk monkeys.

“I don’t send you a lot of messages while you sleep..I don’t want to wake you up” Did I just hear it right!!! Did he just taunt me for sending him messages while he was sleeping??? 😮

Such an asso, I keep on waiting for his message and all he has to say is this??? And suddenly he started eating all the light around me.

You know well i guess what time i am up!!! It was kind of 5 hours back!!!

“You don’t normally wake up until I am driving to work, and I didn’t know u were up because you didn’t say gm like you normally do”

Yeah i dint coz u don’t ever have manners to reply to my texts

“I reply to them after you wake up”

Don’t argue, I am not sending u only any messages now!! So that u don’t have to give your little fingers all the pain to type in a reply

“That’s fine…I don’t have time for your tantrums while I’m at work anyways”

Wow

“Don’t be all moody and I won’t call them tantrums lol. I told you before…I don’t get all soft and girly when someone is upset…I make fun of them and annoy them, Especially when they’re upset over something so lame”

Thank you for calling me lame too!! Yeah i am lame and i would always be lame!!!!

“I know that already…and I will ALWAYS give you shit before being lame lol”

And what are you>????? Oh yes Ashton Garcia is always right: /

“I’m so happy to know that you finally understand :)”

Can i like punch you

“You can punch me but might break your hands”

And the mad and furious Veronica was smiling big right up to the eyes. This is the kind of effect this guy has on me. I buried my face in my palms and all I wanted to was run to him and hug him tightly. So fucking pure. I should be in hell for being the sinner.

*Fighting Loneliness and coming out stronger*

I live in a big city, very big, a kind which many people calls home. Yet, I have days, when things just pass by and everyone just enjoys their own time without noticing that I am part of this place too. I get a bit crazy at times and loneliness has become a part of myself. I think of running away to some place like Antarctica and live the rest of my life in isolation.

There are still days when no one answers their phone, or email, or they forget to drop in a visit you and it makes me feel so useless. I have managed to lose around 6 kg’s in past 4 months. I eat proper, I live proper but still. May be it’s in the mind, the stress, the depression of not being able to love my own life according to my will.

Things dint start with being this bad. It was all so beautiful and Adrian was my life and I still try to figure out what went wrong? Maybe I know the answers and I just don’t want to accept it anymore. It makes me all numb. I didn’t have a horrible childhood. There were a few flaws, such as my dad deciding that getting high was more important than his family. My mom went into her own grief and turned a blind eye to me. At school I wasn’t really popular and then again I wasn’t a nerd… yet I never liked any of the guys at my school, except one – I would tell you about him later on!

And that is when I started to look at others for love and affection. Then, I started to smoke. What a habit! Sometimes I feel the problem is in me, in my mind. The freedom I seek or desire had never been a part of my culture and I don’t know from where did I pick it up. But those desires are major barriers, not allowing me to live peacefully. I knew I was emotionally messed up because I couldn’t hold a conversation with anyone. I had no confidence or self-esteem, and I knew why.

“The bad things happen to make us strong.”

But in my case, it made me weak and fragile. I have to thank Ashton for being sunshine in my life but what lies ahead is a big question mark. He showed me love, and how it could conquer all. He made me feel as though as long as I had someone to love, everything would be ok. This sudden urge of happiness spurred me, making me for the first time in a while – purely happy.

Did you notice, I wrote “First time in a while” and not “in-life”. Coming back to my husband, he made me happy, we were in love but it all changed. I am married to him but not happy anymore. The distance between us took it all away. HE lives in a different part of the country and I live somewhere else, the same Visa shit! But basically it started with minor disputes but with time things were so blown up. And now……I am in love with someone else.

Sometimes I feel Adrian does try to be a better husband again but I push him back. But what do I do? Am I some kind of a remote control toy? With mood buttons? You say laugh I laugh, you say get lost and I run away? No!!!! He pushed me so much away that now it’s very difficult for me to look at him with love. While he was away, I use to go out with my friends, and when I came home, I had to face his tantrums on calls. He was so damn possessive and jealous. It was never like I was a desperate bitch searching for a boyfriend. No!! I wanted my marriage to work….

And then when I think about Ashton I just have one thought in my mind

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”

*cheesy talks*

I was so busy with the office today that i literally had to skip my lunch!  Just when i recieved a text

“Wassup?”

“Working my ass out, on a conference call with canada”

“Your future home” Ashton was trying to be funny while my eye balls were literally popping out sitting in front of the screen without food. Now i totally understand what hunger is.

Canada ! Ghosh thats a place near to him and after being denied a US visa for 5 times i had no more courage to apply for the sixth time.

Ashton always said “come to Canada and we can meet” oh yes! US citizens are allowed to cross the border, infact they are welcomed everywhere while our rejections, i feel are like a  friday movie to US govt. They can grab a popcorn tub and enjoy seeing us suffer.

Coming back to our conversation

“I will die of cold” i replied

“You will in america too” ofcourse! He  chose to live in the coldest part of that country

“Lets go to Panama” i dont know from where does he get such weird ideas but i definitely love this boy

“Lol get yourself a nice girlfriend coz i am nothing but trouble, being with me means your life would be troublesome. They all wont let you live in peace, plus i am a trouble myself, my stability is quite insane” yes you can definitely call me a mood spoiler, this dirty habit of spoiling a nice conversation and talk shit was my way of replying

“I dont want another girl, i want you”

I had a big smile on my face right up to my eyes and then the phone buzzed again

“So tell America you are not a terrorist and get the fuck over here”

“Shut up and sleep” my morning means his night plus he had a little accident at work and he had to rest

“Come take care of me”

“I so want to” and there i was, emotions drooling all over me, getting all sentimental and really wishing that i had either a time machine or i was Harry Potters best friend…. sigh!

“I wouldn’t let you” and there starts Ashton’s drama of being a strong man who could take care of himself blah blah!! Such a jerk i tell you! But all mine

“You are very strange” that’s all i had in my mind

“Lol, like, if i was sick or hurt, and just wanted to lay around and do nothing, and you were to join me…that would be great, but doing things for me, i dont like that”

“Sorry i am the later types” he was irritating

“You lay in my lap while i rub your head or play with you hair” and the cheesy talks begin

“The sick one has to lie”

“It would make me feel better if you did so”

“Perfect, and we watch movies”

“Yep movies and nap all the day”

“Till we are broke”

“Lol. You have no idea how badly i want a day like that or how much i wish you were all mine”

“Same here and if we dont end up together its gonna leave a permanent scar on my life. It sounds funny as i have never met you but you are so damn important like you have no clue how much i wanna be with you”

“Forget that ‘if we dont’ lets make it happen, somehow someway lets MAKE it happen”

“Its not easy for me Ashton”

“Even if in the future we both leave our countries and culture behind and move somewhere random”

“I love you”

Such an emotion draining conversation it was. I suddenly felt all lost and hopeless and wanted to be in his arms and cry it out. He went to sleep while i kept on pondering for long time. Life is so funny. Ashton and Veronica are so perfect for each other  but their fateis so screwed up.

“There is no pretending and with absolute clarity, I love you,and I will love you until I die,and if there’s a life after that,I’ll love you then Ashton”

He makes me feel special and though i deny i love his cheesyness! It makes me feel alive and worth this life.

*The day I met him*

How can someone I never knew be such a huge part of my life?

Love is never planned and if it, it cannot be love. This is what happened when I first started talking to Ashton. No! It was not the love at first tweet, but the attraction our conversations and Google searching generated caught me off guard. I never thought it would go that long. Considering it as a crush was my mistake coz’ I fell in love. To be honest I fell in love with his voice. It was like a drug for my soul. Until that voice message, it was a mere “not so serious” types. It had to be a voice of someone who sings, not professionally but for hobby and within next few weeks i made sure all my best girlfriends had those sound clips on their device “in their playlist”,and on the top. I made it compulsory for them to listen.It was kinda “Bitch Mode Activated” for them. But the love they had for me, they accepted my threats without any counter-threats.

You cannot expect a married girl to fall in love.

Yes!! That’s me Veronica, 26, married, and in love again with someone living across the three oceans. We were technologically inseparable, another added advantage of digital age but it not a piece of cake to trust someone whose like thousands of miles away and totally opposite of you. But I did. Our relationship was always a few months on a few months off. He had his life. I had mine.

Some experts say communicating online before meeting IRL (that’s In Real Life) can actually foster strong relationships by helping those with similar interests come together over great distances. Potential lovers overlook superficial turnoffs, and people open up to each faster and more deeply.

So coming back to Ashton, we met through a social platform and within a few hours we were exchanging emails and over the next few days I discovered I was falling for this kind, funny and intelligent man. He’s really kind and sweet and funny, but he lives in the USA and I’m all the way over the pond, otherwise I would’ve arranged a meeting and probably got abducted. He was a kind of guy who could put my insecurities to deep sleep. He had the capability to dive into my eyes and taste all my fears.

But it wasn’t till today that I met him

Initially, I WAS SCARED TO MEET HIM IN PERSON

I parked my bike at the corner of the street and hopped off it, stood there, watching the masses of people ahead of me bustling like swarm of bees. I felt vulnerable like a little puppy out of a shelter, well groomed and standing in a strange street to stand face to face with FAITH that I was waiting for since so long. I took few long breaths and looked at my watch and there I saw him standing on the other side.

My heart did the oh-so-not-familiar-somersaults with the sudden flight of butterflies. My stomach felt like a freaking plane runway

He had not seen me yet or even he did I was sure he failed to recognize, though he never admits. “Now was the time to play some game” was the thought in my evil mind.

I saw him swapping screens on his phone and then suddenly there was buzz on my phone. It was a text from Ashton

“Where are you? I have reached”

“Near the fountain, opposite the candy vendor” I replied. There were numerous candy vendors there and I had seen them all circling the fountain.

“What are you wearing” he texted back

“Clothes” was my answer

I was trying to play a bitch and get on his nerves. The rich aroma of popcorns was entering my nostrils. There weren’t many people around and so it wasn’t difficult to search for one girl. I waited at the same spot till he found me out.

The moment our eyes met, I forgot what it was like to breathe. In fact, I forgot my own damn name. His eyes did not leave me for a second and I think I never saw him blink. I took a step forward like a sleepwalker. And the next moment it was like a moth attracted to a flame. I did expect him to be with a fork and a knife waiting to come and eat me up alive.

I took my chances as I melted into his arms, resting my head against his hard chest. I closed my eyes, savoring the moment. His hand caressed my back softly before he hugged me back. His arms felt so strong around me, one harsh squeeze and I’d crumble.

“The most beautiful moments always seemed to accelerate and slip beyond one’s grasp just when you want to hold onto them for as long as possible.”

– Veronica

*fighting with myself – A battle within*

I am staring at the blank walls of my room and suddenly they seem so interesting. A body lotion bottle was resting on the table lying next to me and I was reading every single word written on it. Killing time – is what it is called. Ghosh!! I am such a waste of life.

Adrian used to call me a lot before and suddenly the frequency has died. Actually it dies a slow painful death and I am completely responsible for it. I did everything that was in my reach to soil this marriage. Oh yes!! Adrian is my husband. Why? I don’t know…Or maybe I do! Since when did I started behaving like a teenage girl entering chat rooms and talking to random boys?

No! My encounter with Ashton was not that cheap. Did I just called chat rooms cheap??? Yes!!! THEY ARE CHEAP!!! Dating sites comes even prior to it!! We met in a classy way! LOL!! Yes I call that classy. I started talking to a guy who commented below my post which spoke about my love for animals. Me, Veronica, a 100% vegetarian and the guy who swept me off my feet, Ashton, a 100% non-vegetarian. Amazing combination, isn’t it? Today I was so lost in my thoughts that I tripped the bathroom floor and I fell down. My girlfriend was in my room that time and she started laughing. I felt like calling Harry, all the way to Hogwarts and ask him to lend me his invisible cloak for some time. Where was I lost? Of course in Ashton and in Adrian. That makes me look like a slut but no!! That’s love, pure love!!

Sitting on my comfy bed with a phone cradled in my hands I dialed his number for almost 20 times and disconnected before it could connect to him. I am talking about Ashton!! LOL, I know it’s quite confusing and believe me that’s exactly how I feel at the moment. Instead of being a faithful wife, I am being a bitch but not my fault. Adrian literally pushed me towards the edge.

Those are odd hours of the day when I perform this activity of fidgeting my phone. I definitely don’t wanna look stupid. Ghosh!!!! I did the same thing yesterday night and I kept changing sides throughout the night, unable to get an eye shut even for a second. Damn!! I should have called him when I wanted to. I need something to soothe my burning soul at that hour of night!! My hands itched to grab the phone once again and I refrained myself from doing so. And then I had to literally sing myself a lullaby so that my brain could go in peaceful slumber sleep.

-Veronica